2.5 Smart Phones That Earn The Cargill Seal Of Approval

So you're in the market for a smart phone and you'd like the Cargill Seal Of Approval, then you've come to the right place. I'll make this as simple as possible. There are so few phones that actually earn my approval that this will go relatively quickly. Let's start with my recommendations and the carriers they support.

iPhone 4S / iPhone 5 (AT&T, Verizon, Sprint, unofficially T-Mobile)

The current iPhone 5 release has generated a tremendous amount of buzz (both positive and negative).

First the positives

-iOS 6 is a stable, polished operating system. -Possibly the best camera of any current smart phone (4S/5). -The fact that Apple allows the carrier practically no say in its software and its update rollout. -iMessage saves you money and you could potentially eliminate your texting plan (if you and enough of your friends have iDevices). -Verizon iPhone 5 ships unlocked!!! -Best stocked app store of any operating system.

Now the negatives

-Apple replaced its Google Maps application with a horrifically bad homegrown app because they want to retaliate against Google. -Siri is dumb as a box of rocks (and deaf) -Non removable battery -No MicroSD slot -Sprint only has 3g data but it is unlimited! -Small, narrow screen. Other phone makers have decided that big is better and if you have large hands like mine, you may want to look elsewhere. -Fragile. You need a case, no exceptions. -New operating system features are rarely handed to older model phones. -New connector is solely for Apple to make money, else they would've used the similarly-sized MicroUSB connector like most phone makers have pledged to support.

Galaxy Nexus (AT&T, T-Mobile, Verizon, Sprint)

The Galaxy Nexus is a Google phone made by Samsung, not the other way around, I'll discuss the politics of Android toward the end of this post. Also, a rumored new Nexus handset will likely be announced by Google in November with slightly beefed-up specs that may be enough to convince you to wait.

First the positives

-Galaxy Nexus is updated to the latest version of Android before other phones (with the exception of Verizon which takes longer). -The GSM version, which works for AT&T & T-Mobile in the US can be bought for $350, no contract. -Nexus phones offer an unmolested, pure Android experience which, at 4.1.1, compares very favorably to iOS and in some ways better. -Removable battery -Relatively inexpensive compared to other newer Android phones. -Large screen (4.65") -Verizon version offers 4G LTE

Now the negatives

-Lousy 5mp camera -Hardware is a little less sophisticated than other Android handsets on the market. -Google stupidly allowed Verizon control over update rollouts, which delay updates by several months. -Google Play store is not as well-stocked as the Apple Store with useful apps. -No MicroSD slot for expanding memory. -Few choices in phone cases.

Nokia Lumia 920

The Lumia 920 hasn't been released yet and will not garner the Cargill Seal Of Approval until it can be properly evaluated by society. The 920, however, has tremendous potential.

First the positives

-Windows Phone 8 has the potential to right the wrongs of Windows Phones of the past with a stable, elegant, and different (in a good way) operating system. -Microsoft has been extremely careful to place itself out of harms way with regard to lawsuits by dotting its T's and crossing its I's. -The 920 features PureView camera technology with optical image stabilization. (They faked the demo video, which usually isn't a good sign but nonetheless it could be stellar). -Wireless charging. -Microsoft Office integration. -Same interface as Windows 8 on the PC.

Now the negatives

-Least stocked app store so far from Windows Phone 7 and up. -Nokia has been dishonest and full of hubris on the phone in the recent past, so we should take the performance boasts with a huge grain of salt. -Windows Phone 7/8 have had a rocky start with some stability issues but it looks promising. -It is unknown how much say the carriers will have with operating system updates, word is so far that Microsoft has relented and allowed some carriers to dictate update rollouts, which is a terrible sign.

The politics of smart phones

Android-Notice how no other Android phones were given my seal of approval? Well, Android phones have two fatal flaws in the form of two middlemen, the carrier and the brand. For instance, when you buy a Samsung Galaxy S III, which is a lovely handset, you are given a version of Android molested by Samsung in the form of TouchWiz. The short version of the story is that even though makers have gotten better at skins, they're always a terrible idea and you are at the mercy of the maker whether or not they want to update or squash the bugs on your phone. The second middleman is the carrier. Verizon, for instance, insists on its archaic and very long testing phase before updates are rolled out. If your update finally does roll out, a newer, major OS update has already been released by Google. You're better off buying an iPhone than a non-Nexus Android phone, yeah I said it.

To summarize, Android is mostly open-source (but not for you). The purest Android phone on the market is the GSM Galaxy Nexus, followed by the Verizon Galaxy Nexus. You may have a perfectly good experience with any other Android handset but I can guarantee you that you will have problems that you would otherwise not have and that may not be fixed.

Apple-In my opinion, Apple is behaving a lot like Microsoft did in the Windows 95 days, as mentioned in this article posted recently. Apple demands control, which has its benefits and disadvantages for the consumer. The advantage is an unmolested operating system that rolls out beautifully. The negatives are many. For you, the smart phone buyer, expect to pay more for accessories and unnecessary parts like the new connector. I won't go into any more negatives in this post because they could fill a book and are much more oriented to the future of mobile tech than your purchases today. Just know that in my opinion, Apple's behavior is no better than Bain Capital's or Microsoft in the 90s, and that will likely lead to an inferior product once their monopoly is fully established, stay tuned.

Microsoft-It's been awhile since Microsoft has been in the smart phone game and it has not been missed in the least. Prior to Windows Phone 7, Microsoft's operating system was an antiquated disaster. There is no hope on the horizon that Microsoft may once again dominate the mobile arena but they have some seriously stiff competition from Apple and Android, which is good for the consumer. Time will tell if Microsoft has what it takes to keep up but they're off to a good start. Politically speaking they have been very careful to license certain technologies from the likes of Apple so-as not to get sued. On the flip-side they also license technologies to Android so that they make money off of every Android handset sold. Suffice it to say they're in a good position legally to navigate the often dangerous waters of mobile tech.

Rihanna Didn't Get The Memo

Sources point to this being the cover of Rihanna's new album. Did she not hear about any of the blog coverage pointing out that her tattoo is grammatically incorrect? A quick check on Google Translate for 'Rebel Flower' shows it to translate to 'Fleur Rebelles'. It may not be as bad as Hayden Panettiere's...but don't put it on your album cover, n00b.

My Horrifying Experience With Verizon+Why Apple Gets It Right

Picture it, San Luis, August 17...I go in to the corporate Verizon store downtown to get my battery replaced (second replacement due to battery short). I came to the realization that I'm completely horrified both by the employee's condescending attitude coupled with complete ignorance -and- being reminded that Verizon has molested the daylights out of Android.

Verizon Has Molested Android

Android comes with a lot of freedom. Verizon has, however, not passed this freedom onto the consumer at all. By denying administrative access to the operating system and adding a mile long list of non-removable crapware THAT RUNS IN THE BACKGROUND they have effectively ruined the Android user experience with greed.

The moron (read 'employee') who gave me a replacement battery insisted that he install Advanced Task Killer on my phone so that he would "educate me" on the apps that run in the background and may shorten battery life. Okay, my problem was that the battery drained when the phone was OFF. He didn't listen. He also didn't bother to listen to me when I informed him that Advanced Task Killer is just a front-end to the task manager already buried in the settings, not to mention the fact that Advanced Task Killer runs in the background itself! While this tool eventually replaced my battery, this situation reminded me that Android is in the evil clutches of Verizon and is not one bit safe. When I looked at the Droid 2 and the other shiny new Android phones they kept calling out "Kill me!" because they were running a bazillion apps that shouldn't be there in the first place.

For example, the Droid X is a terrific piece of hardware. Well-built, huge screen, noise-cancelling, the whole enchilada. However, if you look in the task manager there is a mile-long list of crapware running in the background that cannot be removed without root access to the OS. This is unacceptable. A 1ghz+ phone is running sluggishly because of all these sports and weather widgets the customer didn't ask for...is horseshit.

Why Apple Gets It Right

Apple is often criticized for having a closed eco-system and for not allowing providers to have any say in the software, well, there are upsides and downsides to Apple's closed system. This one, however, is a serious upside. Apple would rather shoot off its left nut with a sawed-off than let AT&T or Verizon have access to iOS4 and install crapware. Apple is determined to control the user experience in this sense and I fully agree with them. The average user (99%) of phone buyers should NOT have to know what a task killer is let alone have to use it just so their phone doesn't slow to a crawl. Apple has been hesitant about multi-tasking third party apps and for good reason. iPhone has worked consistently since it came out (although I won't let them off the hook for upgrading the 3g to iOS4, effectively ruining the phone). With iPhone you don't have to kill the MLB app or the Weather Bug just to make a frigging phone call that doesn't stutter.

If the iPhone does indeed hit Verizon soon, it has the potential to be the best user experience in smart phone history. Verizon has a terrific network and Apple will never in a million years allow Verizon any access to iOS4.

This is quite unfortunate because I'm a huge proponent of open-source software and Android in particular. The problem lies in the downside to Android's licensing freedom. Android is primed for abuse and Verizon has lead the charge in making Android phones a horrific user experience.

My generally decent tech knowledge has allowed me to make sure that I don't run any apps in the background of my original Droid that would cause performance and battery life to decrease. Because of this, my experience with my Droid has been a terrific one. People should NOT have to have my level of geek experience to use a cell phone. The Droid is the only Verizon device that I'm aware of that runs a pure, unmolested version of Android. (Although 2.2 has added a non-removable Twitter app and forced Amazon MP3 downloader to run in the background and is no longer removable).

I will no longer recommend Verizon Android devices until further notice.

For those of you with a newer handset, all hope is not lost. If you are so inclined I would highly recommend rooting the phone simply to get rid of the crapware and simplify the tasks the phone must run.

iPhone OS4 Is Out!....And Probably Awesome!

iOS 4 actually has some rather exciting new features, none of which apply to me since I own an iPod Touch Gen 2. The only new feature I got was the integrated email inbox (which I hate). Aside from no folders, no multi-tasking, no background display, it's great! I actually don't really see the point in giving the 2nd gen iPod Touch iOS4, they probably should've just left it alone like they're doing with the 1st gen. At least I didn't have to pay $10 for it this time.

This Is A Bit Much...

Traditionally 'boring as dirt' Audi has come up with ridiculousness on wheels. The new A8 is a veritable carnival of gadgets and nuttery.

The steering wheel is equipped with a vibration-canceling motor. The seats heat, cool, massage, and probably offer a happy ending. There are 19 speakers scattered around the Bang & Olufson sound system for a grand total of 1400 Watts of power. Considering the system will be perennially tuned to the "Nightly Business Report" and the oldies station, it seems a bit excessive. The interior is awash in customizable accent lighting, not only in the dash and doors, but also the headliner at the upper controls. The multimedia interface now features handwriting recognition, or more appropriately finger-writing recognition...

Via Jalopnik

Sorry Germans....leave it to Lexus to incorporate insane gadgets. They'll make it cheaper, and they'll work, and they'll last 300,000 miles. Watch for the Audi A8 to be the most unreliable car of 2011.

Snake Oil With Wheels

The Japanese were, in fact, a little worried. "We felt they had the opportunity to heal a lot of [GM's] wounds," recalls Gary Convis, a former senior U.S. manufacturing executive for Toyota, "and to be a very successful company." But when Honda engineers bought a Saturn and disassembled it, their fears abated. The dashboard had overlapping plastic panels that made it look cheap, and a harsh-sounding engine that stemmed from inferior motor mounts. The plastic-polymer doors, billed as a unique feature that wouldn't get dinged in parking lots, fit poorly. Again and again the surprised engineers exclaimed shinjirarinai, a term that means "unbelievable."

Newsweek-

Saturn is the ultimate example of a car company run by advertisers instead of engineers. Who gives a damn how great the car buying experience is if you're driving home a piece of garbage...What a sham.

Stoners Erupt In Anger Over Dr. Gupta's Weed Comments....Eat Cheetoes In Protest

You may recall Dr. Sanjay Gupta, the renaissance man who is probably most recognizable from CNN. He has recently been tapped by Barack Obama to be surgeon general and a Time article featuring him hit digg earlier. It's an article written by Dr. Gupta himself entitled Why I Would Vote No On Pot.

Naturally, the digg community is all up in arms about Dr. Gupta's dislike for marijuana for recreational use. If you ask me, I agree with him 1000%.

What do voters need to know before going to the polls?

The first is that marijuana isn't really very good for you. True, there are health benefits for some patients. Several recent studies, including a new one from the Scripps Research Institute, show that THC, the chemical in marijuana responsible for the high, can help slow the progress of Alzheimer's disease. (In fact, it seems to block the formation of disease-causing plaques better than several mainstream drugs.) Other studies have shown THC to be a very effective antinausea treatment for people--cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy, for example--for whom conventional medications aren't working. And medical cannabis has shown promise relieving pain in patients with multiple sclerosis and reducing intraocular pressure in glaucoma patients.

But I suspect that most of the people eager to vote yes on the new ballot measures aren't suffering from glaucoma, Alzheimer's or chemo-induced nausea. Many of them just want to get stoned legally. That's why I, like many other doctors, am unimpressed with the proposed legislation, which would legalize marijuana irrespective of any medical condition.

Personally, I'm a proponent of the decriminalization of certain drugs like marijuana, not the legalization. I think the courts are wasting huge amounts of time and energy on drug users and the system takes otherwise normal people and churns out actual criminals.

With that said, I'd like to call on folks to live honestly, all of the complete bullshit I read in the digg comments is so tired. I don't particularly care if people get high but don't pretend that it's anything more than wanting to sit on your ass and get stoned. It's a totally fucking useless activity. Again, I have nothing against useless activities, I engage in them often. But shut up about all this philosophical and conspiratorial bullshit. Dr. Gupta is a fucking brain surgeon and he knows what he's talking about.

'Ask A Ninja' Reviews Dead Man's Chest

I'd say it's pretty accurate.

**Thanks Michael...

Self-Explanitory

Purely Gratuitous

Random Chick Taste Tests Ice Cucumber Pepsi

The Awesomeness Is Palpable

A Historical Triumph

I had lost my faith that this day would come. I had lost my faith that the American people would look past their prejudices and elect the candidate who was by far the most qualified for the office of the president despite the color of his skin. I've never been so thrilled in my life to be so wrong.

I did my part. I got the message out, I donated, and I voted. But at no time did I think it would all come to fruition, I simply knew I had to do it because the alternative was unacceptable.

I am beaming with pride and fighting back tears. The implications of this win are glacial. What is important right now is today. Today, we chose to work together instead of tearing each other apart, we chose hope over fear, we chose truth over lies, we chose excellence instead of mediocrity, we chose progress instead of cynicism. We chose one of the most highly educated candidates in modern history to be our leader. We set our petty jealousies aside and chose excellence over 'joe sixpack'.

If Barack Obama decided to quit every time someone told him that he could not do something, he may not have even left the womb. People, both out of kindness and malice, told Barack Obama that he could not be what only certain people could be...and he heard them and kindly dismissed them.

'Today' means everything to me. I don't know what the future holds but the evidence is solid for a very productive and positive presidential term. My anxiety for Barack Obama to live up to his expectations is at its bare minimum. He is the entire package.

Today I got my country back, my faith restored, and pride I never knew existed. When I travel to Europe I no longer have to pretend to be Canadian. When I walk outside I see the landscape in a different light than I did yesterday. I lived through a seismic shift in how our population views itself...and I'll never forget it.

Well, It's Creative...

Purely Gratuitous

No On 8

What.....The Hell....

Dedicated To Thomas

God Prefers Atheists

Yes, Vista Is Still Total Crap

Newsweek - "Nobody here looks at Vista as a fiasco," says Brad Brooks, a Microsoft marketing vice president. If that's true, and nobody at Microsoft thinks Vista has been a public-relations nightmare, then the company is in trouble.

Breaking: Jordin Sparks' Promise Ring Becomes Lodged In Her Own Ass

The wonderful Jordin Sparks caused a bit of a stir at the MTV VMA Awards by saying this:

I just wanna say, it’s not bad to wear a promise ring because not every guy and a girl wants to be a slut, OK

And yes...it sounded as irritating as you're picturing it.

First of all, saying you don't want to have sex when you look like Jordin Sparks is convenient at best...although I'm sure some folks are interested in doing her...provided they're in prison or really into trannies.

Second of all, the psychology community generally agrees with this guy.

It is probably a nice thing that we have celebrities who are trying to be role models and model healthy behaviors,” said Michael Reece, director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University.

“But these abstinence pledges leave people completely unprepared, once they make the decision to become sexually active, and what happens is that we have a society that is sexually illiterate,” Reece told Reuters.

So thanks but no thanks Jordin, for trying to help today's young people live better lives...Next time try not being ignorant and fat.

It's So True!!!!

From Real Life Comics XDDDD

A Landscape Littered With White Trash

The Duggar Family sez: "We are so grateful to God to announce that Michelle is expecting our 18th child, due in January of 2009!"

*Thanks to Shaun for finding this pic...

My Obsession With All Things Cosby Knows No Bounds...

I think Cosby #8 is my favorite...

What's Wrong With This Picture?

Hmm...aside from the obvious, LA is about 300 miles north of where it should be.

International Insults!!!

Click here for the awesomeness...!!!!

Like Candy For The Soul

Most probably remember this from the opening sequence of Ghost World...being one of the more entertaining parts of the movie. Ahh Ghost World, back when Scarlett Johansson wasn't an 'it' girl. It's from an apparently awful Bollywood flick called Gumnaam...Anywho, enjoy.

Wait....It's Sad That He's Dead?....Really?

Indecision 2008 -

Some of the notable accomplishments of Senator Helms...

"* Said of Civil Rights protests: "The Negro cannot count forever on the kind of restraint that's thus far left him free to clog the streets, disrupt traffic, and interfere with other men's rights."

* Forged personal alliances with Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet and Salvadoran death squad leader Roberto D'Aubuisson.

* Tried repeatedly to abolish the National Endowment for the Arts.

* Attempted to make African-American Sen. Carol Moseley-Braun (D-IL) cry by singing "Dixie" repeatedly while in an elevator with her.

* Led a failed filibuster against the establishment of Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

* Announced in 1994 that if then-President Bill Clinton were to visit North Carolina, "He better have a bodyguard."

Quite a few news outlets seem to avoid the plain truth of who Jesse Helms really was by constantly reiterating that he was a staunch supporter of his principles and never wavered in the face of opposition. Here's the thing...on the surface it may seem like those are good qualities to have...but not when you're fucking Satan (and certainly not when you're Bush).

Jesse Helms was a tyrannical racist asshole :)

PS. The Wall Street Journal may as well be Fox News for those not in the know.

Wall-E Accused Of Being Lefist Propoganda

It was only a matter of time until conservatives decried the message of Wall-E. Without giving too much away, Wall-E is essentially a post-apocalyptic, environmental fable. Even I noticed that the social commentary was relatively brutal, which is perfectly fine with me :) Especially because it prompted right-wing tools to say things like this...

"Greg Pollowitz: It was like a 90-minute lecture on the dangers of over consumption, big corporations, and the destruction of the environment. … Much to Disney’s chagrin, I will do my part to avoid future environmental armageddon by boycotting any and all WALL-E merchandise and I hope others join my crusade."

"Jonah Goldberg: I agree with the charges of hypocrisy. I agree that the Malthusian fear mongering was annoying"

So let me get this straight, conservatives are accusing 'Wall-E' of Malthusian fear mongering? Ahahahahahahahaha XD I can taste the irony!

More Than Half Of Firearm Deaths Are Suicides

After the recent Supreme Court decision, I've been having debates about gun control with various people. This article points out what I've been saying for years. I am not against the 2nd Amendment by any means but that also doesn't mean that having a gun in the home makes any sense. The idea here is that if you have a gun in the home, it adds a considerable variable to the equation. In this particular case, CNN discusses suicide.

"Public-health researchers have concluded that in homes where guns are present, the likelihood that someone in the home will die from suicide or homicide is much greater."

"Studies have also shown that homes in which a suicide occurred were three to five times more likely to have a gun present than households that did not experience a suicide, even after accounting for other risk factors."

Perhaps the dialog needs to change from whether people should be able to have a gun at all, to whether or not it's a good idea. Most of the time, not even the biggest liberal hippies will support changing the constitution to suit their disdain for guns; changing the constitution for their own needs seems to be Republican territory ;) But let's at least acknowledge that having a gun in the home changes the game.

Are people that afraid to live in their home without a gun? Is someone stealing your TV worth their life (or yours)? What's the likelihood that one will find themselves in a situation where their family is being victimized by faceless evil-doers that somehow deserve to be shot....I suspect it's extraordinarily low. Either way, these folks ought to move to a better neighborhood.

In my own life, I've known four people who are now dead because of alcohol and having a gun in the house. In one case it was most likely depression, the other two were over a girl, and the fourth was over a dog that had been run over. It wasn't even his dog.

Bible Stories Told Through Lego...

The wisdom and emotion of the Bible come alive through an unforgettable narrative of Lego people...do enjoy.

All Aboard!

I don't know why I find this so funny...but Night Train Express (and Thunderbird) are wines specifically targeted toward bums. Apparently Night Train sells for $2.69 a bottle and is 18%.

"Some suspect that Night Train is really just Thunderbird with some Kool-Aid-like substance added to try to mask the Clorox flavor." - BumWine.com

The company that makes Night Train and Thunderbird doesn't even mention its existence on its web site and is not actually on the label. The wonky ethics behind these products make the Enron crew look like Boy Scouts. Fun!

Unfunny In Any Incarnation

Americans (and some other unlucky people around the world) might recognize who we've come to know as 'Larry The Cable Guy'. Well, turns out his redneck shtick is just that. Git R'Done...

Moron

Jeff Foxworthy has mildly entertained millions of Americans over the years. Nowadays, seems like he doesn't mind letting everyone know his political opinions. You can see him when he guests on CNN's Glenn Beck as they both seek to lower the IQ of their viewers.

"You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, because we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war, when necessary."
Jeff Foxworthy

Okay...you're a redneck...but not in the fun way. Thanks for sharing :)

The Story Of My Life...

I've been this guy more times than I'd like to remember. I'm mildly lactose intolerant (luckily I haven't had a reaction in years) and my digestive system works when it feels like it. Thankfully, it's almost always funny after the fact!

Highest Ridership Ever!

From CNN

"May was the biggest month in Amtrak's 37-year history, with total ridership up 12 percent over last year and ticket revenue up 16 percent over last year. Black said Amtrak's marketing research indicates that about half the increase can be attributed to gas prices."

Amtrak finally has its day. I'm a train fanatic from way back, and in recent years Amtrak has been in danger from the Republican administration that hates the idea of subsidized rail travel. I agree that Amtrak should definitely set its goals toward self-sufficiency...but it's government run, so clearly it's up to them. Anyhow, train travel rocks. And unlike the plane, I can travel without having a protracted anxiety attack :)

Ahh The Japanese....

If you haven't heard of Japanese tentacle porn then you're missing out. For some strange reason I found myself in a situation where I was explaining it to someone else and I came across this piece of art...from 1820 of all things! Enjoy...

Introduction

Welcome to my blog. The information you will gain here is of such importance it borders on the absurd. Thank you for being my traveling companion on my blogging journey.